Hey! So I'm gonna make myself seem a little less weird than what I actually am. But that's the point, right? To be weird and different. But welcome to my land of freedom and I hope you like at least one thing here. Yea... it's pretty as basic as you can make it, but I like it and (no offense) but that's the only opinion that matters in the end. :) Have fun and make good choices!
For Someone Who Found A Secret Piece Of Me
I’m just the framework
Nothing is inside
My soul, my heart, my feelings
Gone.
It’s only the framework
It wants me to be part of it
To join in it’s daily ritual
It’s the thing that makes me feel like I’m something
But I’m not
I’m fake.
I appear real, but on the inside, it’s all fake
I’m just the framework.
The framework of a person, a human
My soul has been stripped from the body
I feel no true feelings, only forced or fake
Because I am a fake. And no one knows
It’s my little secret, my terrible little secret
With its movement and sounds, I get paralyzed
With the added whispers tickling into my ears
That’s all I want to become, to be, to go to, to live
They make me forget who I am, all my pains, all my troubles, all the hatred I feel, all the fakeness about me, all the lies, everything
I can let myself go and just think clearly
I’m no longer true, I should go to hell
But there it might be even a better than I am now
I made myself this way and I’m getting used to it, which is a bad sign
I want to join them, I want to be a taunting a whisper, a paralyzing object, a mesmerizing feeling
Do you know that they are? Of course not because they don’t have the affect on you
They can make me let go
They call out to me like a lost wolf howling to the moon
And I join them, for a moment, a second. A wonderful second
Because both of them together let me be alone, not judged
Together they let me think, and get back part of my soul, my heart, my feelings for a split second, a few seconds, a minutes
But I’m fake
None can see threw the framework
It’s so tightly woven and complicated no one can see all the parts
Only bits and pieces are shown to certain people
None has seen the whole picture
Except for one
They pull and pull and pull
I want to stop fighting and join them
Join all of them
For they make me feel like I’m actually full, none of the fake shit
They make a convincing case
But I tell myself, “not yet, not yet. Enjoy the minutes with them. You’ll be able to become them soon”
So I wait
He’s the one who I want to know more about
He’s old yet new to me
I knew him before but now we’re coming a little bit closer
He has figured out more of my intertwining knots, the twists in words I create, the lies I tell, more than anyone else
He creates funny racists jokes, a swimmer, a gamer, a waterpolo player
But he likes someone else. Or is that person Missy, Dawn… me? I doubt it.
I see them everyday. I can’t get enough. They have become my invisible friends
The worlds the whispers taunt me, the sight of them makes me think clearly, the touch of them makes me feel alive.
Not fake
They were the ones that took my soul, my heart, my feelings, the goodness and happiness in me
But yet, I cannot live without them
He knows more about me then he can realize, more than most people
He held me captive for 1,000 oreos
that’s what I’m worth; a 1,000 oreos
But he doesn’t know what I think in my mind.
All the horrific, terrible thoughts
The hatred that I feel for so many people
The sadness that I feel and have felt for so many years
But he was the one who deciphered some of my codes because he is a pro-hacker
They come out at night, the only time they have an affect on me
And that’s when I come. The only time I come – but I sneak out
But I’ve decided I’m going to join them, once and for all
Or I think I will do it because I have started wishing and wanting to more than ever
I’ll do it by drowning, overdose on pills, stabbing, shooting, or maybe even hanging?
Then I can join them; them, the ocean and the wind and the past
But maybe I can’t because I want to see what will happen
If it will disappear and if I will be wanted by someone
Probably not by him, though – everyone I know will choose someone over me
I’ll have to wait a little longer, but my string is a thin thread, ready to break
Calm is shown in the framework
Inside it’s chaos and fake
You’re the first to know because you figured out other stuff no one does
There’s been some exaggeration, but not a lot
This is the truth
Another bit of me shown
Don’t tell anyone. I beg of you. Keep this secret
At least until I tell you to get help if I can no longer help myself
I’m sorry you’re the one who has to read this, who has to keep this a secret, the one who I have trusted
You can forget about all of this, if you want
Just had to tell someone and you’re the one chosen
Because I’m pretty sure you don’t judge or that’s what I think
You know stuff even my mom doesn’t know
You can forget about this, about everything wrote
Because I’m pretty sure you know who I am
** there are like 2 poems in 1 poem. 2, 5, 7, 9, 11, 13, is talking about something different from the other “paragraphs” (not including the stuff under the line).
I can no longer sob out loud. I do still sob, but silently. I’ve cried silently too many times and now that’s the only way I can. I’ve hidden for so long and so many times it has become permanent.
me.
